We’ve all got one. That nagging mean girl who says bad stuff about you right in your head. You can’t hide from her because she’s been with you since forever. She says things like: you can’t do that, what will other people say, or you’re not good enough to pull that off, just to name a few.
Your inner critic is your ultimate bully and she will never leave you alone. (She doesn’t have the vacation time.) Acknowledge and accept it.
She says all these crazy things in your head, but the worse thing she does is lie to you.
She spread rumors about you in your head and you two pass them back and forth like juicy schoolgirl gossip. The bad part is that you usually believe her lies. She doesn’t have to work hard for you to believe them either because they’re from limited beliefs you have about yourself.
So let’s get to some of the lies your inner critic (I call her your INNER CHICK) says about you and reason why you should listen to her.
Lie #1: She says “You can’t.”
Yep the 2 words that can tear a woman down in an instant and start the building of mental walls of defeat.
When your inner critic tells you you can’t do something, you should ask yourself, What are afraid of? What would happen if you did go for it? Why can’t I?
For example, you may want to wear certain clothes to a party. You may hear, “You can’t wear that outfit!” (There’s always an exclamation point at the end right?) Then the next set of b.s. starts to comes out because the lies never come alone. “It looks to tight. Your stomach is flat enough. Why would you want to wear that. You’re too old to wear that kind of shirt.”
Or If your wanted to start your own business, but you didn’t know where to start she might say, “You can’t start a business. You don’t know what the hell to do. You’re just a stay at home mom. No one’s gonna buy that.”
See what I mean. Lies!
The truth is you can do whatever you put into action. And if it falls apart that’s a lesson to be acknowledged, and noted, for the next time you try. But your inner critic telling you “You can’t” is a lie.
Lie #2: She says “What if?”
This is the lie that your inner critic says that usually depends on you worrying about being judged, ashamed, feeling guilty or something similar. These are your people pleasing hang ups. This lie limits you from your greatness simply by worrying about the reaction of others. So you’ll hear things like, “What if your mother in law saw you. What if you fail the test? What if you never have a successful relationship?”
This truth is that all these “What ifs” hold you back from speaking up or taking action in the direction of the things your heart desire. Your inner critic is keeping you in the same position and stopping you from getting what you want.
You end up so busy worrying about the negative “What ifs,” that the positive ones don’t even cross your mind. You know like “What if I do meet the right person? What if I started speaking up for myself with my mother in law? What if I pass the real estate license test?”
You see all these “What ifs” have possibly awesome results. So negative “What ifs” are a lie.
Lie #3: She says “You’re not enough.”
Of all the lies your inner critic tells you this one is a top producer of self doubt. When you believe that you’re not good enough it comes from a place deep down that must be explored, but for now hear me when I say IT’S A LIE!
Your inner critic telling you you’re not enough may sound like this: “You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough.” The list goes on and on.
This lie can be the limiting core belief, that you believe, and that your inner critic bases everything you do in your life on.
And it’s a LIE because you are Enough! You’re more than enough and the life that’s already yours is waiting on you to move out of self doubt and move towards self assurance. Your confidence will explode once you start understanding your inner critic.
Now to get to the crazy sounding part, Why you should listen to the lies your inner critic tells you.
Because on the other side of that lie is your authentic truth.
I’m not saying that you should follow what your inner critic says. What I am saying is listen to her and analyze what she says. Take a look at the opposite of the lie and explore how things COULD be.
Although your INNER CHICK can be a mean girl, and let’s just say it, a b*tch, sometimes the rumor can hold a spark of the truth on the other end.
So yes, listen to your inner critic. Figure what’s the opportunity you may be missing if you didn’t analyze what she was saying. Ask the opposing questions to the lie. Take some action!
If you want to hear more, get your ebook, “How the Chick In Your Head Is Your Ultimate Bully & 3 Ways To Put Her In Her Place,” by clicking here.
It's the most wonderful time of the year... That’s B.S. for some people. For some moms it’s the time of year the dread the most. Why? Because they have to spend more time with their horrible mother in law, mil or She who shall not be named, lol!
She’s the woman that without her you wouldn’t have your husband and kids. And with her is a personal hell that you rant about to your husband, girlfriends or other Facebook moms.
After hearing the horror that women are doing to each other because of the title they hold, made me want to reach out. I wanted to share and support the mamas who want to run away and hide until it’s Post New Year’s.
Here’s 5 tips that are a guide to get you through the holidays without smothering HER in her sleep. Or losing it and going bat shit crazy on everyone in yelling distance. You don’t want to scare the kids, right?
1. Get your husband on board - You need to be a united front against any mil shenanigans. This will be the hardest of them all if you married a Mama’s Boy. He will have the most difficult time adjusting to the new way of life where his mother isn’t the beginning, middle, and end of life itself. This is a whole another issue to deal with and you can only do so much, but you can damn sure try.
So try… NOW.
Start by letting your husband know what will happen if She crosses a boundary you set. Advise him of the consequences of you not being happy. And what will happen if your character as a woman, mom and wife is questioned, vilified, or dismissed. A unhappy wife is the kind he definitely doesn’t want to live with, let alone sleep next to. Make that as crystal clear as possible and giving examples always helps.
2. Gather your village - Make sure you have your girls on deck. That means real life girlfriends and Facebook group girlfriends alike. You’re gonna need to support to avoid committing a felony, lol! And you need eye witness accounts to the sheer madness that you’re about to face. It’s good to have a safe place to express your potentially vicious thoughts without having to explain why.
3. Prepare yourself mentally - Get ready to ignore. To be blind sided. To put your mother in law in her place. To stand up for your choices. To speak up after snarky remarks. To lay ground rules before the family gets together.
Be a b*tch if you need to be. Yes, the dreaded “B” word that woman are called when they don’t let people walk all over them. Or when they are confident about who they are. Have a “no judgement allowed zone” in your head. Get your what I call, your “Inner Chick” in check. She controls the way you feel about everything and how you react to them. Don’t let her waiver from defending you inside your head. And if she happens to crumple under the fiery heat of your mil eyeing you, put her your Inner Chick in check, quick.
4. Expect the worse - Your husband may cave under the pressure of mommy guilt. Plus, she may have other family members backing her up if it’s a large family gathering. And a host of other scenarios that only you could image about your specific mil. So expect everything and deny that nothing will happen if it has in the past. You know the score because you’ve been living it.
5. Set the tone or stage - Before you get together be clear about what you won’t tolerate and let your husband deliver the demand. This will let you know if your preparation with him worked. This is all about boundaries. And if she crosses the line, you and your kids leave without feeling guilt about it. If she’s coming to your house, have a hotel room already reserved for her. It’s your house, you are Queen of the land and she can leave if she doesn’t abide by the rules of decency and respect.
With love and respect, be firm and unwavering. This isn’t your first time at the rodeo and I would ever suggest you be polite to anyone who disrespects you. This is about her ridiculous crab mentality. She feels she has to be on top and keep you mentally below her. Don’t take on that thought process. You are the wife and mother of your family. You make the rules of what’s allowed and what isn’t. You be the no nonsense b*tch, if you have to be.
Good luck out there mama and remember put the pillow down and walk away, lol!
Get these tips as a cell phone screensaver so you can save them at your fingertips, click here. (Don’t worry it’s discreet.)
Have you been to your baby's’ check up and didn’t know what the doctor was gonna ask? Did you forget to count how many diapers your baby goes through in a day? How many bottles? Or how many times you breastfeed your little one?
I just had my 5th baby, and guess what? I still don’t remember all the questions the pediatrician will ask when I take her to the doctor. So I decided to make a checklist for all the parents to take to the doctor’s, especially first time moms, so they can use it over and over again.
You need "Your Baby’s 1st Check Up CHECKLIST!"
The questions are usually the same for everyone, the list may not cover everything, but you’ll have an idea of what your pediatrician needs for the 1st few months of their little life.
Just print out the checklist. Take quick notes on it a day or 2 before your appointment, and you’ll be prepared.
To get your copy click here!
You've just had the most beautiful baby in the world. And you can finally watch their little chest rise and fall in blissful sleep. You can’t imagine how life was before you laid eyes on them. It’s everything you could have dreamed of and then you look around the room and say… “Now what?”
I say now’s a great time to put the focus back on you while you’ve got some time!
One of the most common things I hear from moms is that they’ve lost themselves. While making sure everything is running like a well oiled machine, they lost their "IT" factor. They’re breastfeeding (you can become a pacifier). The way they’ve tried to balance work and family is exhausting. It may be that staying at home is a 24 hour #momlife and they have no outlet to speak of.
Who wouldn’t feel lost and out of touch with who they are after a while?
So I came up with 7 Steps To Find Yourself In Mommyhood.
Let's dive in!
1. Acknowledge that you’re different now.
I know you want to do what you used to, but nope, not exactly. You have a husband and little people to watch over and that takes time and dedication. You need to realize that your life is different and that means you’re different. You have new priorities and responsibilities. Accepting this will give you a place to start planning out your idea of a balanced life. Your way of balance is going to be different from everyone else’s so don’t try to copy anyone’s lifestyle.
Now that you know you’re a different person now you need to adjust your life to fit your family’s needs. Then you can can acclimate your family to get your needs met. This way your family will understand that some changes are about to happen. Then you can begin to find yourself again.
2. Write down 3 activities you need to do to be 100% you.
Okay think of what makes you smile. What raises the hair on your arm in excitement just thinking about it? What do you need to do to live a fulfilled life? Take those answers, there must be at least 3, and …
3. Work through the guilt.
This can be the most difficult for some of us moms. Sometimes we’ll have a little voice, nagging us in the ear every time we leave our precious babies. GUILT. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting, needing, or desiring to feel like you again. Nothing. It’s actually necessary! However, if this is a serious mountain you need to overcome ask yourself these 3 things.
If the answer is no to any of these questions, keep them in mind as you take actions to figure out who you are now.
4. Look in the mirror.
Yes, stop picking the toys up off the floor and look in the mirror sometimes. Do you recognize the woman standing there looking back at you? Sure you might have some spit up on the collar of your shirt. Maybe you haven’t put on different workout pants in 2 days. Maybe your skin is blotchy and covered in sweat. BUT do you recognize yourself under all that? If not, let’s get to work!
5. Get out!
Yes, I’m throwing you out of your own house. (It’s a strategy that involves planning so you can’t make excuses on why you can’t leave your house.) Pick a day that’s not usually an insane one.
The night before pull out the kids clothes and yous, pump your breast milk if needed, stock the baby bag and place it near the door. Look up activities you’re interested in, from step 2, in your area and see if there’s one you can take the kids to enjoy as well.
A few days before, arrange child care. Dad (which I prefer), grandma, grandpa, or babysitter. Someone you can rely on. Get your clothes and anything else you need ready. Let your husband know that you’re going to leave the house. Alone… and he needs to prepare for you to be gone for at least 2 hours. This is not up for discussion. This is a sign of things to come.
6. Plan girlfriend time.
It’s a must. Women flourish with other women. That’s why it took a village to raise a child. It still does, except now the village doesn’t even say hi when you see each other in the driveway. Meeting up with your girlfriends is a must that you need to do at least once a month, preferably once a week. They will be your lighthouse in the night. Your girls will tell you knock it off and move your butt.
So plan a girls night out and dance out your frustrations. You can also use Skype, Facetime, or (one of my fav’s) www.appear.in to get together long distance. You can still gather and have a great talk while you’re out at Starbucks using their wifi. Yes for this one you still need to get out the house to talk over the internet.
7. Take action!
In whatever way you decide to get you back at one with yourself, actually take action! Continuing the day to day routine without giving yourself some kind of break is not cool. Your family deserve a happy mom not a bitter one.
Implement this check list to get started on finding the new you in Mommyhood. You can find the short version as a print out by clicking here.
You wake up and can smell the coffee you set on a timer, but can’t grab a hot refreshing cup. No time. Got to get the kids off to school and your younger ones ready to hit the road. You’ve got to run the errands you couldn’t get to yesterday. By now your great smelling coffee is cold and depressing and you leave it untouched.
By 3:30 in the afternoon you realize you haven’t eaten. But all the kids are full, some showing the evidence on their shirts. Later your husband comes home. You quickly kiss as you’re preparing dinner, and that’s about all you can give with a spatula in one hand and a baby on your hip. After dinner the kids start their nightly routine of ring around the mommy and you can’t wait until their little heads hit their soft pillows to sleep.
Then ahh, quiet. You drag yourself to yourself to your room. All you want is 5 minutes to think, then 5 more to take a shower and wash off today’s smashed sweet potatoes. But nope, 1 more person wants your attention. Your husband gives you that look your heart palpitates for. Just when you were about to escape to a dream world where you have 3 nannies and 2 maids to help you coordinate it all. The truth is you actually want some intimacy too, but your brain, body, and emotions can’t catch up with each other. That combo’s a no go and there goes one more night of “honey I’m tired.” You can’t imagine how you’re gonna do it all over again tomorrow, but you know you will. You think there’s no other way and can’t imagine trying to navigate a better solution.
Hey Mama! You’ve got mommy burnout!
To help you come out of your mommy fog I came up with a check list of 5 Ways To Avoid Mommy Burnout. Because no one wants a zombie for a mom. (that’s just scary!)
As a mom I know you may be thinking:
The truth is there’s an answer for each of these questions that are unique to you and your mom life. You just need help finding the solutions to put out your mommy burnout. Believe me I’ve been there. Your mommy burnout is real and can escalate to other things you don’t want in your life. So seek out help to get you started on this check list.
Just imagine a calmer, more put together, and happier you. It’s possible, you’ve just gotta make that first step. Choose one of the 5 on the checklist to get you started so you can begin to live the life you crave to have.